I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my missus:
"Ronnie,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.
Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.'
And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...
What the hell does 'ternative' mean?
(look at it lads....)
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As I get older, I become more and more aware that I can't do the things I could do when I was younger.
I'm absolutely fucking youthless.
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Dwarfs are often born with an extra toe.
It's a little gnome fact.
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Due to the success of Toy story 3.
BP are in talks to release a new film,
"Try Finding fucking Nemo Now".
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Just watched the WKD advert, where the bloke walks in to the toilet to have a shit whilst his wife's taking a relaxing bath.
After laughing at it, my missus turns to me and says,
"I bet you a man made this advert!"
Course a man made it - it's an advert, not a Sunday roast!
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BBC News:
Home Secretary Theresa May says it is time to move
"beyond the Asbo, and consider axeing them."
That'll teach the little chav fuckers and she gets my vote
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Our local doctor has just been struck off for having sex with one of his patients.
It's a shame really.
He was a fucking good vet.
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